Earlier I said that I wouldn’t post again tonight. Guess I lied. At 2 am I left a message on my newĀ Facebook group now at 2 hours later I find myself here.

I can’t seem to figure this blog out. I changed theĀ primary blog from my craft one to this one. Silly me i thought that would make my posts end up on this site. I was wrong. Putting on my detective hat, as my sleeping one seems to be missing, I went in search of my missing posts. Found them on a totally different blog. Does anyone know how to change the settings so that if I either re-post or preview my own post that it will end up on this site? So far I’ve changed this to the primary blog, under my blogs, no success, and I’ve also made sure when I repost another interesting blog that I change the (what I thought was the destination) setting on the right hand side. But nothing has worked.

I started a couple other blogs before this one. The first was myshannonagains because I have such a passion for crafting and upcycling. Unfortunately that has to be on hold right now until my health improves at least to a tolerable level. I also started one called OMG so LOL just with funny pictures in order to learn my way around the whole blogging world. That one too has been neglected in favour of this one. However my crafting one ends up with posts that were meant for either of the other two blogs. Brain is full and, just in case you haven’t noticed, I don’t sleep so it is taxing to think straight. WordPress quit messing with me. I don’t have the brain power right now. If anyone knows how to fix this please let me know what I am doing wrong and bring my run away posts home. Thanks

P.s. I really hope this post makes sense, I’m way too tired to proof read it and then look for it as it will disappear if I do.

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Primary Blog

Posted: April 11, 2013 in Uncategorized
Tags: ,

I finally figured out how to make this my primary blog. It was quite simple really and will make posting so much easier. I have tried re-blogging a few things and they keep ending up on my crafting blog. Ooops LOL. Tomorrow I’ll look for some of the poems and good articles that I’ve read and share them with you. I also will invite the readers that are nice enough to follow me from that site to this one. I’m naturally blonde so I’m used to backtracking. :D.

Anyway I also wanted to mention that my cocktail really has not worked at all tonight so even though I doubt that I will sleep I don’t think I’ll be back tonight. I’m looking forward to reading Shaun’s post on the achievements of the Scottish tomorrow. I’ll post the link tomorrow. One thing I do know about the Scottish besides the inventors of Golf and long pockets with short arms is that they do have a great sense of humour. At least I hope they do after the long pocket comment LOL. Good night all and see you tomorrow šŸ˜€

I AM NOT A DRUG ADDICT

I am not a drug addict the damn things barely work most of the time. That being said I’m going for my next dose.

Image  —  Posted: April 11, 2013 in Daily Diary

I have started a group on facebook for the discussion and support for people who suffer from Chronic Pain. I have kept the group closed to protect members in case there is any abuse. Everyone is free to join whether you suffer or know someone who does. The more discussion the more visible it becomes. I only started the group today so although it is small I am hoping that it will grow quickly. Lets discuss with people that will truly understand daily struggles and how life has changed since the beginning of your illness. So come and join the group šŸ˜€

https://www.facebook.com/groups/384823284964324/

I tried posting a couple of times last night but the internet was not playing nice. It said that I was connected but I couldn’t bring up any pages. I just finished my about me page and I am spasming really badly so I will be back a bit later to post a couple of articles that I found on different ailments that cause debilitating pain. Will any of these pertain to you and your pain? Will it be an answer for me? Don’t know, but always worth exploring. Knowledge is power. So see you in a bit after a rest and a cocktail or herbal remedy.

I really hope that this materializes, it will help so many with their fight for recognition of their illness.

This is just a quickie while I am waiting for my cocktail to kick in. 2 percs, 3 extra strength Tylenol, 3 Advil and a dilotted in a pear tree. I am so angry that this post should come with a warning. I usually watch (language wise) what I write. I’ve been a mother for 25 years with my youngest two still at home so I’m always careful on what they are exposed to. I, however, cannot see them reading this and I need to vent so badly.

*I will continue on my history later. Right now Too Sore and Too Furious

My husband came by this morning and woke me up with an egg and sausage McMuffin. It has been years since I had one of those. It was so good even though I’ve developed an egg intolerance lately it was well worth it. He is kind of in a difficult spot lately. He wants to move back in, and I know that we will reconcile eventually, but I won’t put up with the shit that I put up with before we separated. So I love him and I know that he loves me but this is now a shit free zone. Hmm I wonder if I can make a wreath for the front door. Will that keep the Jehovah witnesses away? Ha! Totally worth it. But anyway I’m getting off topic. Today is our 14th anniversary, so it was nice that he thought of me with breakfast in bed even though I don’t think that separated couples are supposed to celebrate. I’ll have to check the rule book on that one. šŸ˜€

I ended up being 10 minutes late for physio this morning. Which really isn’t fair on my therapist. One day soon I will dedicate a whole day’s worth of posting to these two beautiful angels. If you ever had any doubts about how God works in mysterious ways watch for the post that I will title Sylvania and Cheryl. They truly are a God send. Anyway back to being late. With not sleeping again last night because the pain was so intense I was not surprised that I was a little really slow getting ready. I always feel better after physio. Not physically as the effort to get there and home is really taxing but it is so nice to have the feeling that someone is listening and in my corner. On my way home we stopped so I could have 10 vials of very late blood work done. By this time the pain from being out all day is so excruciating that my one track mind was thinking of bed and only bed. Forget food, it is so overrated, the mcmuffin from this morning would have to do.

Andy went on ahead and unlocked the door and grabbed the mail. Now is the reason I have to vent! I was denied again for disability!!! I am 44 cannot get out of bed without assistance. The pain in my pelvic area is so intense I cannot walk across the room. I cry roughly 20 out of 24 hours a day I hurt so badly. Now for the last 2 months every muscle and joint has joined in. I can’t make a fist, wash my hair, or even have my kids hug me because my skin and muscles hurt so much. I can’t sleep for over an hour at a time, or climb a flight of stairs. I no longer get my cycle, my bowls don’t work and I am extremely sensitive to light and sound. I can’t sit upright or cross my legs. I can’t reach my arm to scratch my back and I tend to fall over if I try to stand. Lying down in a completely relaxed state and you can see my muscles tighten and spasm. In spite of all of this “You do not meet the program’s definition of a person with a disability”.

How the Fuck am I supposed to go out and find a job to support me and my children when I can’t get to the bathroom 10 feet away? I started working when I was 6 years old with a paper route and have worked ever since. I am not lazy nor am I a social sponge. I paid my taxes and never once did I ask to become sick or a boil on the ass of society but I am not sick enough for disability. Just because I don’t have a gaping wound on the side of my head does not mean that I am not sick. Not all illnesses are visual. Although if they spent a day with me they would see first hand how sick I am. I cannot fake this for 3 years. I am so angry. I don’t know where to turn from here. Any suggestions? I need help. Please if anyone reads this please offer some feedback. I am done. If I didn’t have two kids left to raise I would just end the pain but right now this is not an option. Please if you read this help me I don’t know where to go or what to do.

Thanks for letting me vent.

5:19

Posted: April 10, 2013 in Daily Diary

Still can’t Sleep. I hurt so much

In 5 minutes it’ll be 3 am. The pain and muscle spasm won’t leave me alone long enough to fall asleep. I just took more sleeping pills and I am considering an herbal remedy for the spasms. Maybe the pain pills I take will relieve them. Wish me luck, I have a busy day tomorrow with blood tests and Physio.

10: 15 am

I know that you’ve all been sitting in front of your computer anxiously awaiting the post that I promised last night. I won’t make you wait any longer we’ll start in March 2010.

Roughly a month after that ominous phone call I startedĀ to getĀ cramping. I went to work, kept a normal schedule and didn’t pay it much attentionĀ at the beginning. I had assumed that the cramps were because of the dysplasia and my appointment was in a few weeks so I’m a tough girl, I’ll just grin and bear it. My husband came with me for my appointment since he wasn’t working and I was becoming very uncomfortable with the cramps. I really appreciated the company at appointments like this, even though he sat 5 seats away and read the paper. I take comfort in knowing that once the sports pages have been mulled over 8 times that someone has my back if I make a run for it.

Even though I am a people watcher I hate waiting rooms. I could watch the same people doing the same actions in a park and sit there for hours but in a hospital 5 minutes and I’m ready to go. I remember there being quite a range in age from teenagers to elderly women, I would guess to be in their eighties. I don’t want to be doing the stirrup thing in my eighties. If God had meant us to have ourĀ ankles up behind our ears in our eighties then he wouldn’t have made our boobs hang to our knees. They just get in the way. Ā If this pain that I have now doesn’t kill me I hope that they have another way to do that test by then. Shutter. All kinds of things go through your mind when you’re bored.Ā  I love that commerical with the woman that can’t sleep and the last thing that she says “What if the Hokey Pokey is what its all about?” For those of you that have never had unbearable pain or insomnia you can leave now. You’ll never understand.

Ooooh a friendly face, aĀ friend’s daughter came in, she’d been coming to the clinic to be monitored for two years, explained that it was a piece of cake. 10 minutes and you are in and out. Pardon the pun there if you got a visual. Hmm, didn’t seem too bad. I wish the waiting room was that fast. Finally my turn, why are clinics never on time?

AsĀ the nurseĀ walked me backĀ I remember squinting as the light, from the flourencent lamps overhead, reflected off of the top of the antique walls. The tiles on the bottom half were a minty green. I wondered how many times that colour had gone in and out of fashion of the years that this old building stood. Even though the decor was light and airy the atmosphere was very heavy and oppressive. I should call Zak from Ghost Adverturers and see if he wants a new locale for his T.V. show. Oooh cool, I’d go on a lockdown. That’d be fun. Off topic, back to my oppressive hallway. the nurseĀ explaining the procedure.Ā that they spray a vinegar solution and if any white is visable they may invite my back for a biopsy. I remember distinctly she used the word may. I sit in the chair, ankles around myĀ ears and cordially the doctor aranges the T.V. screen so that I can see what is going on. Who says that our health care is not full service. She gave me a couple of sprays of Eau de Parfum ala french fry. I’m staring at my cervix and I’m thinking how can they see white when the entire area is white. That really didn’t make sense. Oh shit! It hit me. So much for 10 minutes.

Slowly the cramps turned into pain in the pelvic and upper leg regions.

It’s 9:41 pm. yes it did take all day. between the pain from sitting, typing and lying down this 5 minute post took almost 12 hours to write. I need to rest agian. I’ll continue later tonight ha who am I kidding, tomorrow. If you know someone in pain please lets get together through here and compare notes. Good Night